The job of the therapist is to create a safe holding environment. The role of the therapist is not to judge or problem solve. It is not ours to tell you what to do, or suggest courses of action that will improve your life. Our job is to listen and attend. We are to be supportive in that we accept you, even if we do not accept some of your behaviors or choices. It is not ours to choose a path for you. Our job is to listen and try to identify patterns which are illustrative in understanding why you do the things you do or why you want the things you want. We reflect those patterns to you and then help you look at the emotional economics of your life. Buy that, I mean can you afford the cost of your choices? Everything costs, every choice you make or do not make brings payoffs and has costs. When you can clearly see the cost and payoff dynamics, you can begin to decide if you want to take different actions or paths. These different actions or paths can lead to new payoffs or more satisfaction. These options are yours to choose.
You can decide what you want, life is about choice. You have to decide that you have the freedom and the power to make the choices you want or seek. You also have to know that freedom comes at the price of responsibility. You cannot hide behind the victim script. If you believe that you are a victim of life you limit your options. Victor Frankel once said that when you cannot change reality you are left to change the way you view or interpret reality. Bad things can and do happen in all our lives. We can surrender to those things as victims or we can reframe them as opportunities to learn or grow or move in a new direction. We must accept reality (give up denial and wishful thinking) because reality really does frame our decision matrix and determine the effectiveness of our choices and our payoffs. Can you afford the cost of your choices? Do you want to make different ones? A good therapist can help you have a safe place to learn to look at these questions. They can create the safe holding environment that lets you look honestly at yourself and your life and honestly talk about your feelings and your options. Find a good therapist. That is a choice worth paying for.